CA Part II: The Good
From later conversations with my cousins, I learned that Fred set up the entire brownie fiasco to rile me, to "bring me out of my shell" (whatever the hell that means). My cousins said that he had done the same to them since he married Aunt Cheri. I was just the next victim. He probably purposely ticked my aunt off that night, making her crabby and setting up the entire "alone" comment. Aunt Cheri eventually apologized, but what aunt would say that to her niece? To her own flesh and blood? What horrible person would encourage her to?
I'd love to report that Fred changed his tune and turned into a swell guy I now adore, but that didn't happen. What did happen was that I grew a lot as a person. I stopped taking his crap. When I returned to their home the night of the brownie fiasco, I went to bed at 9:30, watched one of my favorite movies on my laptop and really thought about my life. And you know what I realized? I'd rather be alone then be with someone like Fred. Why my aunt deals with his way of life, I'll never understand. But I will never be like her--and I pride myself on that. I won't ask 'how high?' when someone tells me to jump. Because that's not love, that's servitude, and it's just not me.
I won't apologize for my education, which he openly despises. I won't apologize for my job, a "namby-pamby" kind of occupation he doesn't hold in high esteem. I won't apologize for being a woman with her own ideas about justice and equality. My parents (who I appreciated much more now) raised me to be a kind, gracious, polite and understanding person. They taught me to think for myself and I'm grateful for that. These things make me me, and I'm not that bad.
When I woke up the morning after the brownie incident, I stopped taking Fred's sexist, racist comments with a grain of salt. I started fighting back. He called me "Girl" and I told him I had a name and he could use it. He told me what to do and I didn't do it. He yelled his opinions at me and I walked away. I stopped washing his dishes and cleaning up his house (which I had been doing before). Thanks to his arguments against it, I rented a car and drove to Monterey alone to visit my friend for four days.
If I'm still single because I'm too independent, then more power to me. That independence is what pushes me take trips to new exciting places, what helps me get in the car and drive somewhere to see a good friend. It's what helps me move through life, constantly growing and changing, questioning the world around me and learning from different people and environments. It's what has given me the courage to ditch significant others who treated me badly or walk away from men I knew were going to hurt me.
My independence is a huge part of me. And like I said, I'm not that bad.
I'd love to report that Fred changed his tune and turned into a swell guy I now adore, but that didn't happen. What did happen was that I grew a lot as a person. I stopped taking his crap. When I returned to their home the night of the brownie fiasco, I went to bed at 9:30, watched one of my favorite movies on my laptop and really thought about my life. And you know what I realized? I'd rather be alone then be with someone like Fred. Why my aunt deals with his way of life, I'll never understand. But I will never be like her--and I pride myself on that. I won't ask 'how high?' when someone tells me to jump. Because that's not love, that's servitude, and it's just not me.
I won't apologize for my education, which he openly despises. I won't apologize for my job, a "namby-pamby" kind of occupation he doesn't hold in high esteem. I won't apologize for being a woman with her own ideas about justice and equality. My parents (who I appreciated much more now) raised me to be a kind, gracious, polite and understanding person. They taught me to think for myself and I'm grateful for that. These things make me me, and I'm not that bad.
When I woke up the morning after the brownie incident, I stopped taking Fred's sexist, racist comments with a grain of salt. I started fighting back. He called me "Girl" and I told him I had a name and he could use it. He told me what to do and I didn't do it. He yelled his opinions at me and I walked away. I stopped washing his dishes and cleaning up his house (which I had been doing before). Thanks to his arguments against it, I rented a car and drove to Monterey alone to visit my friend for four days.
If I'm still single because I'm too independent, then more power to me. That independence is what pushes me take trips to new exciting places, what helps me get in the car and drive somewhere to see a good friend. It's what helps me move through life, constantly growing and changing, questioning the world around me and learning from different people and environments. It's what has given me the courage to ditch significant others who treated me badly or walk away from men I knew were going to hurt me.
My independence is a huge part of me. And like I said, I'm not that bad.
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