Too Late, but Still Funny
Some good advice from my "Worst-Case Scenario 2004 Survival Handbook." Although it's too late now, maybe I'll keep it in mind next year.
How To Survive If You Have No One To Kiss on New Year's Eve
1. Kiss a Pet--Dogs are generally agreeable and have a relatively clean mouth. Cats are usually well groomed, but are more passive and tend to get rather than give. Keep your mouth closed.
2. Kiss Yourself--Find a mirror, pucker up, lean close and kiss. Keep the lips slightly parted.
3. Kiss a Celebrity--Watch a favorite movie or show on television and kiss the screen when an appealing star has a close-up. Wipe the screen to remove dust and static electricity, and wipe the screen after to remove any evidence.
4. Hug a Pillow--Full-body pillows are more satisfying.
5. Call a Friend on the Phone--After you wish your friend a Happy New Year, give the telephone mouthpiece loud, smacking kisses. (This works less well with cellular phones.)
How To Survive If You Have No One To Kiss on New Year's Eve
1. Kiss a Pet--Dogs are generally agreeable and have a relatively clean mouth. Cats are usually well groomed, but are more passive and tend to get rather than give. Keep your mouth closed.
2. Kiss Yourself--Find a mirror, pucker up, lean close and kiss. Keep the lips slightly parted.
3. Kiss a Celebrity--Watch a favorite movie or show on television and kiss the screen when an appealing star has a close-up. Wipe the screen to remove dust and static electricity, and wipe the screen after to remove any evidence.
4. Hug a Pillow--Full-body pillows are more satisfying.
5. Call a Friend on the Phone--After you wish your friend a Happy New Year, give the telephone mouthpiece loud, smacking kisses. (This works less well with cellular phones.)
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