Enough with the Subtle Hints Already
You know how sometimes you have a dream about someone you used to know and you wake up thinking, "I wonder what they're up to now?" Somehow, though, as you go about your day, the impact of the dream fades and you totally forget about the person again. Well, my subconscious is doing everything in its power to keep me from forgetting. In fact, it reminds me at least once a month (if not bi-weekly) that I haven't seen one person in particular for quite some time.
While the setting of the dream always changes, the content is almost always the same. I'm somewhere, doing something mundane, when I see one of my best friends from high school walking ahead of me. And no matter what I do--scream his name, run after him, get in his face and say, "but don't you remember me?"--he never acknowledges me. It's like he's blind or I'm some kind of ghost wandering through a past that might have been or a future that could be. At times, my desperation in these dreams reaches a fevered pitch until my screams become sobs that echo through the empty street, room or parking lot he invariably leaves me in.
Every once in a while, my subconscious gives me a break and he turns around. But even then, he's always looking at me with stony eyes. Only once has he run back to me, happy to see me and joyful at an unexpected reunion.
Despite the inevitable bleakness of what I'll call my U2 Dreams (the reasoning for which is for me to know and you to find out), I always wake up feeling like I've seen an old friend--and old friend I miss more than anyone else I've ever met in my life. I always think that I should stop by where he works (almost directly across the street from Bill's house) and just say hello. But then I chicken out or forget, only to be reminded at most a month later when the dream recurs.
The truth of the matter is--and anyone as clever as your average housefly will have figured this out by now--I'm afraid to see him because I dread the walking away he does so easily in the dream. If I suddenly drop into his life for real after eight years, will he just keep running, pretending he doesn't see me? Or will it be like the one fabulous dream, the one I tried not to wake from, when he smiled the smile I once knew like the back of my hand and told me just how much he missed me?
I know dreams are just neurons firing in random patterns while my body gets the rest it needs, but I can't keep ignoring the U2 dreams. One of these days I'll have to find out for myself if he twists and turns away or if I've found what I'm looking for. Maybe then the subtle hints from my subconscious will subside.
While the setting of the dream always changes, the content is almost always the same. I'm somewhere, doing something mundane, when I see one of my best friends from high school walking ahead of me. And no matter what I do--scream his name, run after him, get in his face and say, "but don't you remember me?"--he never acknowledges me. It's like he's blind or I'm some kind of ghost wandering through a past that might have been or a future that could be. At times, my desperation in these dreams reaches a fevered pitch until my screams become sobs that echo through the empty street, room or parking lot he invariably leaves me in.
Every once in a while, my subconscious gives me a break and he turns around. But even then, he's always looking at me with stony eyes. Only once has he run back to me, happy to see me and joyful at an unexpected reunion.
Despite the inevitable bleakness of what I'll call my U2 Dreams (the reasoning for which is for me to know and you to find out), I always wake up feeling like I've seen an old friend--and old friend I miss more than anyone else I've ever met in my life. I always think that I should stop by where he works (almost directly across the street from Bill's house) and just say hello. But then I chicken out or forget, only to be reminded at most a month later when the dream recurs.
The truth of the matter is--and anyone as clever as your average housefly will have figured this out by now--I'm afraid to see him because I dread the walking away he does so easily in the dream. If I suddenly drop into his life for real after eight years, will he just keep running, pretending he doesn't see me? Or will it be like the one fabulous dream, the one I tried not to wake from, when he smiled the smile I once knew like the back of my hand and told me just how much he missed me?
I know dreams are just neurons firing in random patterns while my body gets the rest it needs, but I can't keep ignoring the U2 dreams. One of these days I'll have to find out for myself if he twists and turns away or if I've found what I'm looking for. Maybe then the subtle hints from my subconscious will subside.
1 Comments:
Just a little update: last night I dreamed that he was in a wheelchair because he had been paralyzed in a horrible accident. He wouldn't see me in person, only talk to me through a door. This just keeps getting weirder.
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