The Bouquet Line
Just a note for any Defying Gravity readers who may be getting married soon: For the sake of your single friends, do not--I repeat DO NOT--have a bouquet toss. Nothing makes a girl feel quite as humiliated and desperate as standing behind a 9-year old, trying to avoid a dozen roses hurtling through the air and praying that the god of Bouquet Avoidance will be on her side. To make the situation even better, photographers and wedding-goers oogle at you like you're an exhibit at the zoo. "Look, hon, those are 'single girls.' You know, the ones who can't seem to settle down. I've even heard that the one girl (with the cute shoes) couldn't even get a date!"
Yeah, I got stood-up. I might not have a date, but I have good shoes.
Yeah, I got stood-up. I might not have a date, but I have good shoes.
8 Comments:
This makes me think of the Sex and the City ep where all four of them attend a disastrous wedding, and when the bride throws the bouquet, they watch it sail through the air, and it lands in a crumpled heap at their feet. Truly the way it should be.
Treat weddings the way I do: an attempt to snark on people and get free liquor. You can't go wrong! :)
Just do for the bouquet toss what I do for the garter toss. I don't go out when the single men are called. And if I'm at a wedding where alot of people know me and will try and drag me out, I conveniently go out for a "smoke break:" when the toss happens.
I did almost get hit in the head once with the garter. I was at a wedding where all the single guys, except one, was a good 4-5 inches shorter than me. The toss occurred and it came right towards my head. Luckily, the only guy close to my height was the type who likes to be the center of attention and had no qualms about catching it.
I tried just ignoring the call for single women. But as I was sitting innocently at my table, one of the bridesmaids walked by and said "Susie! You're coming out here or I'm dragging you." To avoid being called out by the DJ (which did happen, by the way) I allowed myself to be pulled to the dancefloor.
One of coworkers reported being in the bathroom before the bouquet toss. She thought she was safe until she heard her name being called over the PA system. "Would Holly report to the dancefloor. We will not continue until Holly arrives."
Nice. Brides can be so cruel.
Hmmm, our wedding...no garter toss. Also no bouquet toss. Also no Susie.
For the love of God, I'm sorry about missing the wedding!!! But I was around for the birth of your child AND I provide free babysitting. What else could I possibly do, short of using my Time Turner to go back and attend the wedding?
Luckily, with one exception, the bouquet toss has always come before the garter toss, so I get fair warning. When the bouquet toss comes, I drift towards the back of the crowd. After the toss, I disappear.
There's been just two times in semi-recent memory that I've got stuck participating in the toss and both times there was one guy, and only one guy each time, who was the outgoing type who dived for it.
As for being called out to the toss by name via the PA system, that happened to both Bill and I at a friend's wedding. Someone came outside and told us that the groom was on the DJ's mike insisting we come join in the toss. He eventually gave up and the toss went on without us.
God, after reading all this wedding shit, I am *so* happy I'm eloping.
You know, once I get the guy and all. That would be step 1.
You know, by the end of the wedding this weekend, I had mine all planned. Except, of course, for the pesky issue of the groom :)
Maybe I'll post a personal add somewhere: "Single female has wedding planned but needs groom. Only non-psychos not attached to the garter toss need apply."
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