If This Post Were an Episode of “Scrubs,” It Would Be Called “My Weighty Nemesis”
I love "Scrubs," and the one thing I've learned from it is that everyone has their own little personal battles to fight. Carla has her bossiness, Turk his machismo, Eliot her lack of self-confidence. And JD’s got that weird stream-of-consciousness omniscience thing going on.
In life, like in TV, we all have our struggles. Me, I was born fat. I've always been fat and I've fought it my whole life. My entire existence has been peppered with diets, exercise plans, and the all-too-common falling off the wagon. At most times in my life, I've had a complete wardrobe in three sizes (fat clothes, medium clothes that generally fit, and the "skinny clothes" I want to get back into). But until this past February, I'd always been fat and pretty healthy. I know that’s an oxymoron, but you know what I mean -- no major problems, really, not even the common Type II diabetes that plagues people like me.
This past winter, though, I started to get daily headaches that bothered me for about six weeks and finally drove me to the doctor. It turns out that what I thought was probably eyestrain was really sky-high blood pressure. And just like that, I was fat and unhealthy for the first time. It was pretty damn scary. Here I am, not even 30 years old and dealing with a problem most people don’t have until they're well on the other side of 40.
So I cried for a while, but then sprung into action. I bumped up my exercise regime (four times a week), dropped high-sodium (i.e., processed) foods from my diet, and added lots of whole grains, fresh fruits and veggies in their place. And do you know what? I've lost about 25 pounds since February 8.
Well, I say 25 pounds, but there’s no way to be sure. Because, you see, I'm scared of the scale. I think all people who are on the large side tend to avoid their weighty nemesis, the evil demon that provides the proof that JC Penny, Target and Lands End have not conspired to make pants smaller -- that you have, indeed, expanded at the waistband.
It took me about a month into my healthy eating thing to even buy a scale. And another month of towering over it and glaring into its digital display to actually step on it. And then I cried for a few hours and felt like shit at my hugeness, wondering why God even lets people as big as me exist.
Since then, though, I've come to terms with my nemesis. I’ve dropped 10 pounds since April 14 and am making slow and steady progress toward my first major weight goal. Before April, I'd dropped about a pants size, which is generally 15 pounds, hence the 25 pound estimate. Woo hoo!
I hope to lose at least 80 pounds, total, but to get my BMI back into the "normal" range, I’d actually need to drop 100 pounds. I’m not sure I can do that -- lose an entire person -- but at least I know I’m a quarter of the way there.
What's this mean for you, Defying Gravity reader? Well, I hope it means that I’ll be adding updates, noting major landmarks as they happen. And if you want to supply the occasional "Atta Girl!" here and there, it might make this particular personal struggle a little easier ☺
In life, like in TV, we all have our struggles. Me, I was born fat. I've always been fat and I've fought it my whole life. My entire existence has been peppered with diets, exercise plans, and the all-too-common falling off the wagon. At most times in my life, I've had a complete wardrobe in three sizes (fat clothes, medium clothes that generally fit, and the "skinny clothes" I want to get back into). But until this past February, I'd always been fat and pretty healthy. I know that’s an oxymoron, but you know what I mean -- no major problems, really, not even the common Type II diabetes that plagues people like me.
This past winter, though, I started to get daily headaches that bothered me for about six weeks and finally drove me to the doctor. It turns out that what I thought was probably eyestrain was really sky-high blood pressure. And just like that, I was fat and unhealthy for the first time. It was pretty damn scary. Here I am, not even 30 years old and dealing with a problem most people don’t have until they're well on the other side of 40.
So I cried for a while, but then sprung into action. I bumped up my exercise regime (four times a week), dropped high-sodium (i.e., processed) foods from my diet, and added lots of whole grains, fresh fruits and veggies in their place. And do you know what? I've lost about 25 pounds since February 8.
Well, I say 25 pounds, but there’s no way to be sure. Because, you see, I'm scared of the scale. I think all people who are on the large side tend to avoid their weighty nemesis, the evil demon that provides the proof that JC Penny, Target and Lands End have not conspired to make pants smaller -- that you have, indeed, expanded at the waistband.
It took me about a month into my healthy eating thing to even buy a scale. And another month of towering over it and glaring into its digital display to actually step on it. And then I cried for a few hours and felt like shit at my hugeness, wondering why God even lets people as big as me exist.
Since then, though, I've come to terms with my nemesis. I’ve dropped 10 pounds since April 14 and am making slow and steady progress toward my first major weight goal. Before April, I'd dropped about a pants size, which is generally 15 pounds, hence the 25 pound estimate. Woo hoo!
I hope to lose at least 80 pounds, total, but to get my BMI back into the "normal" range, I’d actually need to drop 100 pounds. I’m not sure I can do that -- lose an entire person -- but at least I know I’m a quarter of the way there.
What's this mean for you, Defying Gravity reader? Well, I hope it means that I’ll be adding updates, noting major landmarks as they happen. And if you want to supply the occasional "Atta Girl!" here and there, it might make this particular personal struggle a little easier ☺
1 Comments:
That's wonderful, Susie! Way to go!
:-)
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