Ring Around the Potty
Yesterday I was sitting in a meeting with about 35 people who are way more important than I am when suddenly my stomach twisted into the biggest cramp in the history of the universe. I actually doubled-over and grabbed my side, taking deep breaths to calm my tummy and praying that whatever it was would pass: I was sitting in front of the room and would have to walk past everyone to get to the door.
Well, as luck would have it, the scary cramps kept up and I had to leave. So I headed to the ladies' room because, like my mom always said, if you have a stomach ache you should go to the bathroom, regardless of whether or not you have to "go." Sometimes, she said, just sitting there would make you feel better.
So there I was, sitting in the stall waiting for anything to happen, when someone walked in talking on her cell phone. I can deal with that. It's rude, but it's happened before. But then, someone else came in ON HER CELL PHONE! Both women talked the whole time they peed, farted, wiped and flushed. And I had to listen to their conversations.
As I was sitting there in the stall, a hidden observer to all this social rudeness, I wondered at the lack of privacy we have in society anymore. It's bad enough that you have to do your business (which might not always be silent) with nothing but a plastic door separating you from the rest of the room's occupants. Now, you have to listen to phone conversations in all the stalls around you.
Here's a hint, all you pisser/talkers: NO ONE LIKES TO BE THAT PERSON IN THE STALL BESIDE YOU! Have some common decency! Call the person back. Or if you have to use your phone, send a text message. The last thing I want to hear when I'm sitting there trying to do my thing is you talking about all the problems you're having with your boyfriend. That can't wait until you're done? Are you that important? Here's a newsflash. You're not. Get over yourself. How would you feel knowing that someone was taking a dump while they were talking to you? Or pissing like a racehorse. Yeah. It's kind of gross. If I were the person on the other end, I would wash my hands after I got off the phone with you.
Cell phones are great because they allow us to have increased communication with the ones we love. But sometimes it's OK to be a little out-of-touch. One of those sometimes is when you're doing number two in the stall beside me. Believe me, the ones you love don't need to hear *everything* you're up to.
Well, as luck would have it, the scary cramps kept up and I had to leave. So I headed to the ladies' room because, like my mom always said, if you have a stomach ache you should go to the bathroom, regardless of whether or not you have to "go." Sometimes, she said, just sitting there would make you feel better.
So there I was, sitting in the stall waiting for anything to happen, when someone walked in talking on her cell phone. I can deal with that. It's rude, but it's happened before. But then, someone else came in ON HER CELL PHONE! Both women talked the whole time they peed, farted, wiped and flushed. And I had to listen to their conversations.
As I was sitting there in the stall, a hidden observer to all this social rudeness, I wondered at the lack of privacy we have in society anymore. It's bad enough that you have to do your business (which might not always be silent) with nothing but a plastic door separating you from the rest of the room's occupants. Now, you have to listen to phone conversations in all the stalls around you.
Here's a hint, all you pisser/talkers: NO ONE LIKES TO BE THAT PERSON IN THE STALL BESIDE YOU! Have some common decency! Call the person back. Or if you have to use your phone, send a text message. The last thing I want to hear when I'm sitting there trying to do my thing is you talking about all the problems you're having with your boyfriend. That can't wait until you're done? Are you that important? Here's a newsflash. You're not. Get over yourself. How would you feel knowing that someone was taking a dump while they were talking to you? Or pissing like a racehorse. Yeah. It's kind of gross. If I were the person on the other end, I would wash my hands after I got off the phone with you.
Cell phones are great because they allow us to have increased communication with the ones we love. But sometimes it's OK to be a little out-of-touch. One of those sometimes is when you're doing number two in the stall beside me. Believe me, the ones you love don't need to hear *everything* you're up to.
3 Comments:
Susie, Susie, Susie... you have missed a golden opportunity. I'm sure that the people on the other ends of those phone calls would be interested to know what their phone buddy was up to. You could have solved that problem, and yours, by simply shouting the following at the top of your lungs: "HEY! I'm trying to take a shit here, and your jabbering is making it impossible!"
Also, you could have started making very loud fart sounds (real or artificial, the effect is the same)
OR, you could yell "Who does number 2 work for????"
I would have gone with the much more effective flushing of the toilet around a dozen times. Over and over and over and over.
People suck.
People who use their cell phones in public restrooms suck *a lot.*
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