Whatever You Do: Don't Get Out of Bed
My morning got off to a rocky start yesterday. I was in my car, heading down my street, when I realized I had forgotten to put my watch and ring on. So I ran back upstairs to my apartment and got the nose of a golden retriever in my boob as I sprinted up the steps. Then, I realized I had almost no gas in my car. I didn't eat breakfast until 11:30 a.m., after which I went to the bathroom and realized that one of my bottom eyelids was red and puffy. I ate lunch at 4:30 p.m. and finally left work at 7, but only because my boss came back from a VIP meeting and refused to leave the building (and my office) until I packed up my stuff and left.
But the weirdest thing that happened yesterday, the one event that makes me wish I had just stayed in bed, is that I found out this guy I dated ever-so-briefly in college was MARRIED on Saturday!
This guy and I didn't have what you would call a stellar relationship. He was a doofus most of the time, and during the six weeks we dated oscillated madly between overly affectionate (our first date: "I think I love you!") to blatantly ignoring me. I spent a good half of our brief time together trying to figure out how we could breakup. I dumped him via email and he showed up at my graduation ceremony. Afterward he sent me email saying how nice it was to have a civil conversation with me, and I fired back something about being raised better than to kick his ass in public (especially while I was wearing high heels).
So yeah, we weren't exactly friendly.
But a little over a year ago, he sent me random email apologizing for all the crap he pulled on me back in 1999. It was weird and I was admittedly a little freaked about it, but I appreciated the apology and told him that he was forgiven. I haven't really given him much thought since then.
For some reason, though, I Googled him today and saw that he was married this past Saturday. I'm not jealous. But there's something going on in my brain that I don't understand. Is it sadness that it wasn't me? I don't think so. Do I wish I were this "Leslie" person? Not really. Do I want them to be not-happy? Of course not!
What I think I'm feeling is regret for a past that didn't have to be so ugly. We had irreconcilable differences. We never would have made it for the long haul. But he wasn't a terrible person. In the three years we were friends before we decided to date, he was sweet and kind and funny. Hindsight is 20/20, but we should have just stayed friends. I wish I could look at the photos of he and his new wife without being embarrassed that I would want to date someone who eventually treated me so badly, without wishing I could go back and erase those six weeks and replace them with better memories of someone who would have been better as a good friend. I wish I didn't still secretly wonder if I did something that made him the doofus--that I was too liberal or too gross-looking, or too boisterous.
I can't do anything about it now, though, so I'll just wish them all the happiness two newlyweds deserve. This town is small, so I'll probably eventually run into the pair of them when I least expect it. And when I do, I'll smile and try not to regret a past that I can't change.
But right now, I'm going to go to bed and hope that tomorrow is just a little better than today.
But the weirdest thing that happened yesterday, the one event that makes me wish I had just stayed in bed, is that I found out this guy I dated ever-so-briefly in college was MARRIED on Saturday!
This guy and I didn't have what you would call a stellar relationship. He was a doofus most of the time, and during the six weeks we dated oscillated madly between overly affectionate (our first date: "I think I love you!") to blatantly ignoring me. I spent a good half of our brief time together trying to figure out how we could breakup. I dumped him via email and he showed up at my graduation ceremony. Afterward he sent me email saying how nice it was to have a civil conversation with me, and I fired back something about being raised better than to kick his ass in public (especially while I was wearing high heels).
So yeah, we weren't exactly friendly.
But a little over a year ago, he sent me random email apologizing for all the crap he pulled on me back in 1999. It was weird and I was admittedly a little freaked about it, but I appreciated the apology and told him that he was forgiven. I haven't really given him much thought since then.
For some reason, though, I Googled him today and saw that he was married this past Saturday. I'm not jealous. But there's something going on in my brain that I don't understand. Is it sadness that it wasn't me? I don't think so. Do I wish I were this "Leslie" person? Not really. Do I want them to be not-happy? Of course not!
What I think I'm feeling is regret for a past that didn't have to be so ugly. We had irreconcilable differences. We never would have made it for the long haul. But he wasn't a terrible person. In the three years we were friends before we decided to date, he was sweet and kind and funny. Hindsight is 20/20, but we should have just stayed friends. I wish I could look at the photos of he and his new wife without being embarrassed that I would want to date someone who eventually treated me so badly, without wishing I could go back and erase those six weeks and replace them with better memories of someone who would have been better as a good friend. I wish I didn't still secretly wonder if I did something that made him the doofus--that I was too liberal or too gross-looking, or too boisterous.
I can't do anything about it now, though, so I'll just wish them all the happiness two newlyweds deserve. This town is small, so I'll probably eventually run into the pair of them when I least expect it. And when I do, I'll smile and try not to regret a past that I can't change.
But right now, I'm going to go to bed and hope that tomorrow is just a little better than today.
2 Comments:
Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket? :D
Hands-down the best T-shirt ever :)
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