Was Ever Lady in This Humor Wooed?
No. And let me tell you why.
Let's say you're a single thirtysomething guy and you've developed what seems like a fondness for a certain thirtysomething girl, who, by the way, is cute, clever, smart and witty. Here are 10 ways to turn her off real quick.
1. Emote eloquently on the most recent international summit in your favorite online videogame and the invasion that everyone tuned in for, thereby slowing the summit to a crawl. Spend some time talking about the server specs and how they're incapable of supporting the game's traffic. Talk about the people you play with online as your "friends you've never met." She won't be freaked out or anything!
2. React with what could only be called appalled horror when Cute Girl says, "So there were lots of fake people on the screen?" regarding said videogame summit. (Silly Susie! These are real people in ANIMATED form.)
3. When walking on a sidewalk back in the real world and people are coming in the opposite direction, make the Cute Girl drop back. To make things interesting, keep talking to her and don't slow down, even though she had to basically stop to let the other people pass. When she catches up, keep on talking. She's smart, she'll figure out what she missed.
4. On that same note, continuously talk to her about your complex research on scientific whosimawhatsits, despite the glazed eyes staring at you from across the table. Ignore Cute Girl's attempts to make conversation about more mundane topics, like the weather or how dating sucks.
5. Berate her for expressing an opinion about some music you asked her to listen to. Spend countless minutes of life that can't be returned to Cute Girl outlining all the reasons she SHOULD like the scary band.
6. Find reasons to lean in really close to Cute Girl. Possibly to point something out on her computer screen. Touch her if you can. Don't worry...she won't freak out later or anything.
7. Open doors. Then let them slam in Cute Girl's face.
8. When parting ways with Cute Girl, don't really say goodbye or anything. Just head back in your direction while she crosses the street without you. She's smart. She'll understand the implied goodbye.
9. Ignore her and treat her with craptastic contempt when she has to postpone plans for a legitimate prior engagement. In fact, don't even take your iPod off while she's trying to talk to you.
10. Keep talking about those videogames. That look on her face--it doesn't mean "you're weirding me out." It totally means, "I'm enthralled! Tell me more and more about it so my face can freeze into this ridiculous smile and my neck can ache from nodding."
And that, folks, is why I'm still single.
Let's say you're a single thirtysomething guy and you've developed what seems like a fondness for a certain thirtysomething girl, who, by the way, is cute, clever, smart and witty. Here are 10 ways to turn her off real quick.
1. Emote eloquently on the most recent international summit in your favorite online videogame and the invasion that everyone tuned in for, thereby slowing the summit to a crawl. Spend some time talking about the server specs and how they're incapable of supporting the game's traffic. Talk about the people you play with online as your "friends you've never met." She won't be freaked out or anything!
2. React with what could only be called appalled horror when Cute Girl says, "So there were lots of fake people on the screen?" regarding said videogame summit. (Silly Susie! These are real people in ANIMATED form.)
3. When walking on a sidewalk back in the real world and people are coming in the opposite direction, make the Cute Girl drop back. To make things interesting, keep talking to her and don't slow down, even though she had to basically stop to let the other people pass. When she catches up, keep on talking. She's smart, she'll figure out what she missed.
4. On that same note, continuously talk to her about your complex research on scientific whosimawhatsits, despite the glazed eyes staring at you from across the table. Ignore Cute Girl's attempts to make conversation about more mundane topics, like the weather or how dating sucks.
5. Berate her for expressing an opinion about some music you asked her to listen to. Spend countless minutes of life that can't be returned to Cute Girl outlining all the reasons she SHOULD like the scary band.
6. Find reasons to lean in really close to Cute Girl. Possibly to point something out on her computer screen. Touch her if you can. Don't worry...she won't freak out later or anything.
7. Open doors. Then let them slam in Cute Girl's face.
8. When parting ways with Cute Girl, don't really say goodbye or anything. Just head back in your direction while she crosses the street without you. She's smart. She'll understand the implied goodbye.
9. Ignore her and treat her with craptastic contempt when she has to postpone plans for a legitimate prior engagement. In fact, don't even take your iPod off while she's trying to talk to you.
10. Keep talking about those videogames. That look on her face--it doesn't mean "you're weirding me out." It totally means, "I'm enthralled! Tell me more and more about it so my face can freeze into this ridiculous smile and my neck can ache from nodding."
And that, folks, is why I'm still single.
1 Comments:
It's not your fault that he's an idiot. You deserve MUCH better than that and kudos to you for knowing it. :-)
hugs!
Amy
Post a Comment
<< Home